I want to be 3

What a gorgeous day--I will make this short so I can go take a walk.
Do you ever just feel like lying on the floor and rolling around and screaming, but you aren't entirely sure why, and the feeling isn't either good or bad, but both? What is that feeling? Someone in a class described feeling like there are so many choices, yet he hates having so many choices. I wanted to yell and thrash at hearing that, so maybe the descriptor I'm searching for is "ambivalence"--that overused Mars Hill word that I swear I will have tattooed on myself before this is over...I have soooo much emotion roiling around in me, and I love and hate that. So can I just have a little tantrum and release some of it?
Actually, I did have an intense cry last night; it was somewhat of a relief after a week or more of feeling numb. Class was hard for me--Dan talked about parenting styles, and when he described "the sociopathic home", tears started dripping on my shirt. He nailed it. Yuck. But the sweet part was, I stopped him after class to ask him about something he wrote on my paper, and he was very kind. I have been sort of afraid of/pissy about him all year, so to actually see him as a fellow human was good. Things are stirring in me; I am thankful, scared, angry--ambivalent.